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He says ‘I don’t get it, why are you still a virgin at 24?’

He says ‘I don’t believe you, I’ve seen you walk, virgins don’t walk like that’

He says, ‘That ain’t natural, people are supposed to fuck.’

He asks ‘Why though? No offence though.’

I ask ‘When was your first time?’

He says ‘I was 12’

He says ‘I know what you’re thinking, that’s too young.’

I look at his knuckles, he has two good hands.

He says ‘She was older than me.’

I ask ‘How old?’

And he says ‘It’s better that the girl is older, that’s how I learnt all things I know’

He licks his lips.

I ask again ‘How old?’

He says ‘I could use one finger to make you sob’

I think of my brother in prison and I can’t remember his face.

I ask again ‘How old?’

He says ‘Boys become men in the laps of women, you know?’

I think of my mothers faced lined with her bad choices in men.

He says ‘If you were mine you wouldn’t get away with this shit, I’d eat you for hours, I’d gut you like fruit.’

I think of my cousins circumcision, how she feels like a mermaid, not human from the waist down.

He says ‘I’d look after you, you know?’

I laugh, I ask for the last time ‘How old?’

He says ‘34.’

He says ‘She was beautiful though and I know what you’re thinking but it’s not like that, I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man. No one could ever hurt me’.

Warsan Shire, Crude Conversations With Boys Who Fake Laughter Often (via rabbrakha)

(Source: cactuslungs)

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

I'd love some tips on how to move on :) (From the post earlier about feeling invisible) Thank you so much for all this!

raindropkisses-ox:

  1. You need to accept the truth and be thankful. To let go and move on you need to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and helped you learn and grow. It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had and the possibilities that lie ahead. It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition to learn as you go, to realise that every experience has a value and to continue taking positive steps forward.
  2. Distance yourself for a while. Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation. The best way to do this is simply take a break and explore something else for a while. Why would you do this? So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes. 
  3. Focus only on what can be changed. Realise that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change. Focus on exclusively what you can, so this could be that you want to be a better person, you might want to learn new hobbies, take new things up in life. 
  4. Claim ownership and full control of your life. You need to remember that when you split up with someone and someone breaks your heart that you deserve to be happy, you deserve to smile, and even when you burst into tears you need to remember that being happy is the most important thing and it will make a difference in your life if you smile.
  5. Focus inward and on the future. It’s important to make a different to the people in your life and the world but you need to start with yourself. It you’re looking outside yourself to deal with the pain you feel and how you want to move on but really you need to deal with the pain inside, so looking inward an thinking that person is happy and smiling and they probably won’t shed a tear on me so why should I be shedding one for them. If they really cared about me they would still be here, so thank you for the memories and the lessons, but I am one step closer to that person who will be my soul mate. 
  6. Take a chance. When life sets you up for a challenge and in this case it is moving on from your first love then there is a reason for it, it is meant t test your courage and willingness to make a change and take a chance on something new. There’s no point in denying that things haven’t changed, and it is natural that you would be fearful of the next step. The challenge will not wait even if you hesitate. Life only moves in one direction and that is forward. You need to remember that you deserve happiness and life is about grabbing life and having fun and even though right now you’re hurting, you won’t hurt forever. 

 xxxxx

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